What is important...and what is not?

It has been over a year since my last post...now you know what my journal is like! I am giving this blog thing a try again. Many, many things have happened since the last time I wrote something on here, and I have been reflecting for some time about what really matters in my life. It all comes down to something President Monson so eloquently stated in a conference talk recently...What is important, and what is not. Sometimes it may seem difficult to distinguish the difference between important things and unimportant things, as we tend to become passionate about all aspects of our lives. But when we take a step back, away from all that surrounds us and takes up the space in our minds and the time in our lives, it becomes apparent that what truly is important are the small and simple things. The small and simple that paint an enormous picture in the grand scheme of eternity and life beyond this moment. I am learning that life is about people...not things. Life is about love...and when we love, it changes us. It changes who we are. And that is why we are here...to "become" something we could not in any other circumstance. And it's the people and the experiences we have that help us evolve into what we are meant to be. What is important to me is the people in my life..those I can, and cannot see. And I am vowing to live my life striving to always quiet the outside voices and remember that.

8 years ago

8 years ago, November, I was suprisingly ending an agonizing pregnancy with an emergency C-section. The result....my Savannah. I have been thinking about her a lot laltely, staring at her eating dinner, walking up to the school, playing the piano, and marveling at the little person she has become. It is a bitter sweet thing to see your children grow. I continue to be in awe of her as I watch the daily growth of my sweet girl, and wonder how we ever got to this point!
When I found out I was pregnant with her, we were a bit shocked. According to my health history and previous tests, it was supposed to be difficult for me to conceive. And suddenly, the week I was scheduled to have surgery to increase those odds, there she was! That shock was soon followed by the realization that because of what my health tests showed, it may not work out...although it was too late since we already loved her. This realization was soon followed by another very real obstacle...months of relentless, agonizing nausea and constant throwing up (which was later determined to be hyperemisis gravedarium) which lead to various medications, a tear in my esophogus, quitting my job, and endless days in bed. Those days are still a torturous, dark memory as I look back.

Around the sixth month, I began to tolerate eating and came off of my medications, only to be bombarded with some very real pain, etc. that was thought to be kidney stones. This, along with a few other hurdles, went on to the 38th week. It all led up to the night I became increasingly anxious as I realized I had not felt Savannah move all day long. Through thoughtful prayer we decided to run to the hospital (again) to make sure everything was ok. Neither of us was prepared to have a baby that night. But as we arrived at the hospital, checked in, got all hooked up to the monitors...it quickly became apparent that she was in fetal distress. Within half an hour of arriving, we had a baby. I will never forget my Dr. reading me all the "could happen" things on the form I was supposed to sign to allow them to do the surgery, as they were quickly inserting my IV and wheeling me down the hall. It all happened so fast. I admit I was terrified! But, I will never forget the miracle of Savannah when I first looked into her eyes and saw her turn her head when she heard our voices. She instantly imbeded her way into my heart.
The nurses told me she had a knot in her cord, and it was wrapped around her neck...if we had waited any longer to come in, we would have no Savannah. It is very humbling to know that she made it here, as I know of many instances where this has not been so. I just always figured she was supposed to make it here. And I am incredibly grateful that she did.

Savannah was my rainbow after what seemed like a relentless storm. I cannot believe I have been allowed to be her mother. I have felt from the moment I saw her that she is a very special person, and I am so honored to have the opportunity to love her, teach her, and watch her grow into the amazing daughter of God that she is. I can't wait to see what the next 8 years bring. I am sure those years will be full of twists and turns, but I can't imagine anything more important than traveling those roads with her. So, here's to my rainbow, my first little miracle....and to the years ahead.

Twilight Hangover!!!!

So, last weekend I had a frito-hangover (which results from eating way too many chili cheese frito's at 2 a.m. - after you have not had them for years) and today I have a TWILIGHT hangover. Yep, you guessed it...too much Twilight! (If such a thing were actually possible!) Ryan and I were lucky enough to see NEW MOON last night at an early showing, with practically our whole ward. A thoughtful husband reserved an entire theatre for his wife's birthday, and we all surprised her by being there. It was so fun to see it among many friends and especially with my cute husband. After viewing the movie for the first time, Ryan went home and I headed out with the ladies to Jordon Commons for the midnight showing! When Ryan picked up the girls from my sister's, and I was not with him they asked where I was. Ryan said they could not comprehend why I would want to see the same movie again, right after! Guess they've never seen a sparkling vampire! Anyway, I loved the movie (although I have a few beef's, but nothing can be perfect, right?) and it was so much fun to be out with friends. I got home and to bed around 3......and up at 7 to get my oldest off to school. Thus, the Twilight hangover. Well Worth it though.

I do have to mention one thing. Before we left for the movie, Ryan was slightly questioning my wearing of my Twilight shirt. He said "Do you think anyone else will be wearing them?" Silly Ryan! He has no idea the effect this teen romance has had on the female population. I wish he could have been there to see the midnight crowd. I saw things I never knew existed...girls in prom dresses with fake casts and crutches, pale faces with vampire "blood" seeping from the corners of mouths, every New Moon shirt possible, glittered faces, plastic vampire fangs, and my all time favorite.....grown woman with a stuffed wolf hat on her head! I was feelin pretty good about my shirt by the time we left!

To be a mother...

So, I may regret this post later, but I am going ahead with it anyway. Often when I express gratitude for being a mother or say how much I love it, I have a really challenging day with my kids which makes me scream "What am I thinking???" But recently, after a few months of daily mom struggles, I have really been trying to enjoy my children more and be "in the moment". Sometimes it's hard in the middle of all the daily grind and repetative tasks to appreciate the blessing it is to be a mom, but when I take a step back and observe what's going on around me, I can truly see the miracle of it all. Once the spilled cereal, mountains of laundry, whining, and chaos are gone, I know I am going to miss this. And I really feel I need to appreciate it more! I have numerous friends, amazing wonderful friends, that are not able to have their own children right now. My heart aches for them as they courageously continue through life braving unanswered questions and empty arms. They truly are my hero's, and in the moments that I want to pull my hair out, I think of them. They help me appreciate what I have at this moment. I love these friends dearly, think of them often, and marvel at their incredible examples of faith and endurance. So, today I am going to try my best to celebrate the 3 little people who are messing up my house and demanding my time. I love them more than I could say.

Mars and Venus....UGH!!!

Ok, so my sister in law is going to teach me how to do pictures, etc. soon, so hopefully soon my blog will be more than just random thoughts. But tonight, I have something to say. (Stop reading now if you are uninterested in things that don't matter ONE LITTLE BIT) Today was one of those days, where everything went the opposite of how I wanted things to go. I will spare you the boring details, but I do want to mention one thing....men and women...why are we so different? I mean, seriously, aside from the moments of balancing each other out and learning from one another, the rest seems like utter chaos in the universe to me. (Of course I know there is a purpose to this, but somedays it seems impossible!) Example....I HATE to buy clothes. There are many reasons for this, of course, but the main one being that I have a weird body shape that does not look good in everything. I am truly not trying to complain about my body here, just stating the facts. I have a friend (who shall remain nameless) that thinks it's hard for her to find clothes, but she looks good in everything she tries on. She is a size 0, and aside from the occassional wrong style or color, she looks good in everything. I am not that person. It takes some time to find something I feel good about. Also, I am not some trendy style girl who knows what is supposed to look good together, and what is not. I am a t-shirt and jeans girl through and through. So, let me now get around to my point. (Wow, I can just hear the clicking of people now erasing me from their blog lists as I continue to ramble on about absolutely nothing.)
So, I decided I wanted to get a new sunday church outfit or dress. I asked my wonderful husband if he would watch the kids for an hour today so I could go shopping alone. He was more than willing, but somehow we ended up at the zoo today (long story) and my plans of shopping got put on the back burner. Since I didn't get to go, on the way home he offered to stop at a store or two so I could run inside and see if there was anything I liked. He would sit in the car with the kids and watch a movie or something. Well, to make a long story short, I went to maybe 6 stores....nothing. I was extremely frustrated but he was determined for me to dfind something and he kept stopping at stores along the way and encouraging me to go inside. By the time I came out of the last store he huffed and said "Oh my gosh, what is the big deal? Is it really that hard to find a dress, or are you just really picky". Hmmm....not exactly the thing a girl who just tried on numerous dresses (that didn't fit, mind you) in numerous stores wants to hear. When I shop with him, he tries on 1 pair of shorts or pants (because he is one size...all waist) and just picks stuff up off the shelves and off we go. All shirts are the same, all shorts just right. Ta-dah! All done. It is not that way for me. I may be picky, but what a man can never understand is how buying clothes is not that easy for a woman. Maybe it is me, but I feel I have some pretty valid complaints. They are as follows:

1) I have extremely short legs. Do you know how hard it is to find short legged jeans and pants? Maybe not too difficult if you are "junkless in the trunk area", but for those of us with some curves, it is a difficult task! It seems that they have jeans for every size of tall women, but when it comes to short stubby legs and wide hips, nothing. And yes there are petite and short, but they are not always long enough.

2) Short skirts.....they are everywhere. Once again, for someone who is short, the skirt never seems to be the right length. It is always at least 2 inches too short. If it does happen to cover things up, it never does when sitting....and you know that church is a wrestling match if you have young kids. There's no way you can keep things all straight and covered when you are up and down and bending and stretching!

3) Dresses with too short sleeves, or sleeveless....The sleeveless thing can work, but you've got to find the right shirt to go under it or the right sweater to go on top of it. Not as easy as it may seem.

Ok, I could go on, but I will stop there. Does anyone else have these problems? Am I just really too picky? It is entirely possible....All I am saying is that men sometimes don't know how easy they have it when it comes to things like this! For them it's shirt, pants or shorts...and on Sunday it's "Which tie should I wear?" Seriously, unbalanced universe here! As for tonight, it is only 8:30 p.m. but I am taking my picky self and putting on my tried and true unmatching pajama's and going to bed! Goodnight!

Another day in Paradise

Ok, so I need to figure out how to do pictures and everything else, so today I am just posting a little message. I am excited about being able to share some things that are in my head, since I am much better at writing than verbally expressing. So, I decided to name my blog "Another day in Paradise" which is after one of my all time favorite songs. It is not the Phil Collins one....not that there is anything wrong with Phil Collins...anyhoo, this song perfectly explains how I feel about life right now. I am sure many of you have heard it, but I wanted to put it on here in case someone wants to hear a really great song. I am not that crazy about the video (maybe because I can't really relate with the "mom" in it....I am usually wearing more pajama's and less little dresses) but I LOVE the words. So, here's the link....let me know what you think! (I'm a poet!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yakW10rgKX0

Never thought this day would come!

Hello out there! Yes, it's true...I have officially caved! Never thought the day would come when I would actually have a blog, but here I am (gulp) blogging. I have a lot to learn about this process, but I guess I have time. I am a self proclaimed repeller of all things technological, so this may be interesting. There was a time when I truly thought I'd never know how to e-mail either, so things can be learned, right? I'm just a simple girl, doin my simple things, livin my simple life. I like simplicity. But, I have decided to branch out and give this a try. Be patient with me as I learn the ropes!